Faith & ND brains
For people who left, people who stayed, and people who don't know what to do.
For people who left their faith, people who stayed, and people who are not sure what to do.
Some people call this religious trauma, deconstruction, or getting over purity culture. You don't have to call it anything yet.
Some people call this religious trauma. Some call it deconstruction. You do not need a name for it.
My practice focuses on queer, autistic and ADHD people with a complicated relationship to religion. Maybe your brain, your body or your love got treated as the problem. Maybe you just never saw anyone like you there. You don't have to explain any of it to me.
I work with queer, autistic and ADHD people who have a hard or mixed relationship with religion. Maybe people at your church or faith community said your brain, your body, or who you love was wrong. You do not have to explain it all to me.
Maybe some of this sounds familiar
Does any of this sound like you?
Masking & loneliness
- The good kid
- Performing faith
- Nobody like you there
- Lonely in a full room
- Still looking for your people
- You tried hard to be good
- You acted like you believed
- No one there was like you
- You felt alone around lots of people
Sensory overload
- Loud music, bright lights
- Hugs you didn't want
- Sit still, be quiet
- Forced to sing, talk, make eye contact
- Fasts and routines that wreck you
- The music was too loud, the lights too bright
- People touched or hugged you
- You had to sit still
- You had to sing, talk, or look people in the eye
- Fasting or routines were too hard on your body
Fear, rules & scrupulosity
- Hell taken literally
- Nightmares
- Never good enough
- Guilt that won't shut off
- You were very scared of hell
- You had bad dreams
- You never felt good enough
- You feel guilty all the time
Your brain got blamed
- ADHD read as rebellion
- "Not serious about God"
- Not fitting in at youth group
- Questions called dangerous
- People said you were bad when it was ADHD
- People said you did not care about God
- You did not fit in at youth group
- You were told not to ask questions
Queer & faithful (or not)
- Two reasons to be pushed out
- Coming out to religious family
- Staying queer in your community
- Longing for a queer God
- You were pushed out for being queer and for being different
- Coming out to a religious family
- Staying in your faith community as a queer person
- Wanting a God who is queer too
Gender & bodies
- Trans or nonbinary in faith spaces
- Mary or Magdalene: good or bad
- "Your body is a temple"
- Gender roles you never fit
- Being trans or nonbinary at church, mosque or temple
- Being told you are either pure or bad
- Being told your body belongs to God
- Roles for men and women that did not fit you
Sex & purity culture
- Purity culture leftovers
- "Not supposed to want it"
- Hypersexual, then ashamed
- What you were taught about sex still hurts
- You were told not to want sex
- You wanted sex a lot, then felt ashamed
Not a monk. Not a nun.
- Everyone assumed you'd never have sex
- Faithful, and sexual, and not sorry
- Noise, touch, textures during sex
- Hyperfocus, or a brain that wanders off
- Figuring out what you actually want
- People act like disabled people do not have sex
- You can have faith and want sex
- Sounds, touch and textures during sex
- Your brain locks in, or drifts away
- Learning what you want
Visions, voices & God
- Spiritual experiences called symptoms
- Symptoms called spiritual
- Hearing God, or something else
- Making meaning on your own terms
- Your spiritual experiences got called an illness
- Or your illness got called spiritual
- You hear God, or voices
- Deciding what it means for you
Self-harm & shame
- Hurting yourself, then the guilt
- Fear of what God thinks
- Nobody in your community you could tell
- You hurt yourself, then feel guilty
- You are scared of what God thinks
- There was no one safe to tell
In crisis right now? Call or text 988.
Need help right now? Call or text 988.
Family & holy days
- Christmas, Ramadan, Passover with family
- The odd one out at the table
- Pretending for a weekend
- Choosing what to keep
- Holidays with your religious family
- Feeling different at the table
- Acting like someone else for a few days
- Choosing which traditions to keep
Leaving, staying, or both
- Grief and lost community
- Burnout, and missing God
- Practices that fit your body: movement, stimming, nature
- You lost your community
- You are tired, and you miss God
- Finding ways to pray or practise that fit your body
…and more.
And other things too.
What we can work on
This might be untangling what you were taught from what you actually believe, grieving a community, or making peace with staying. It might mean finding spiritual practices that fit your brain and body. Whatever is left of your faith, or isn't, gets to be yours.
Faith isn't the problem here. For some people it's one of the best things in their life, and that's welcome too.
Faith is not the problem here. If your faith helps you, that is welcome too.
We can sort out what you were taught and what you believe now. We can grieve what you lost. We can find ways to pray or practise that fit your brain and body. Your faith, or no faith, is yours to choose.
My roots and training are mostly in Christian traditions. I also welcome people from other faiths, and I'll ask rather than assume.
I know Christian traditions best. People from other faiths are welcome too. I will ask you about your faith. I will not guess.
My doctoral research was on faith communities and self-harm, and I've spent nearly a decade researching and teaching spiritual care at Emmanuel College. More about me
I studied faith communities and self-harm for my PhD. I spent almost ten years researching and teaching spiritual care. More about me